GAY Club 1&2
by newtypeshadow
Summary: Relena and Hilde concoct a plan to make sure their respective mates will go for them and not each other. 3 versions, 3rd is shounen-ai. *all three are completed oneshots*
1. Default Chapter

For the record, GAY stands for something: Girls' Anti-Yaoi Club. Founded by the girls of GW after reading some yaoi fanfics and seeing some...risque...fanart, they all agreed they needed a way to keep their boys straight. This decision made, they all formulated plans to make sure no extra male-bonding goes on between their chosen mates....  
*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*  
  
GAY Club 1&2 v.1  
  
With a click, the PWP massage story about Heero, Duo, and strawberries vanished from the computer. Hilde let go of the mouse, straightened, and surveyed the fruits of her labor carefully.  
  
Duo's body was swaying where he stood hunched over and leaning against the table. He looked sick. He rubbed his temples in lazy circles and avoided eye contact with anyone, looking instead at the wooden table top. For once, the braided pilot was speechless.  
  
Heero's face was bright red, and sweat dripped down his forehead and into his bulging eyes. For once, he was too surprised and embarrassed to keep his face impassive and emotions in check. He slumped in his chair and put his head in his hands.  
  
"And that's not all," Hilde slyly announced. She clicked on a thumbnail of Duo's head, and a naked picture of him and Heero locked in a passionate embrace filled the computer screen. Duo didn't move. His eyes had glazed over. Heero looked up at the picture, whimpered, and quickly looked down again.  
  
Hilde studied her nails innocently, but her malicious smile revealed her true colors. "So, you two aren't in love? You're not gay?" she asked sweetly. Two heads shook vigorously from below her erect form. "Oh, ok!" she said cheerfully, releasing her hold on Heero's chair and flipping her bangs out of her face nonchalantly. She turned briskly and walked to the kitchen. "Oh," she called behind her, "I signed you two up as partners for a massage class at that new spa down town. I figured you two needed a break."  
  
Two faces blanched behind her. She heard a thump -- probably Duo collapsing. She smiled. A moment later, she poked her head into the living room and held out a bowl. "Anyone for strawberries?"  
  
Two pairs of glazed eyes stared blankly at her. Then came sharply into focus. Duo and Heero's screams of horror could be heard echoing throughout the colony.  
  
Hilde looked back at Relena, who hid in the doorway behind her, unbeknownst to the two tortured souls in the living room. Relena smiled and crinkled her nose. "They scream like girls." 


	2. Version 2

~*~Key~*~  
_word_ for emphasis  
_________  
  
For the record, GAY stands for something: Girls' Anti-Yaoi Club. Founded by the girls of GW after reading some yaoi fanfics and seeing some...risque...fanart, they all agreed they needed a way to keep their boys straight. This decision made, they all formulated plans to make sure no extra male-bonding goes on between their chosen mates....  
*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*  
  
GAY Club 1&2 v.2  
  
Hilde clicked the tiny 'x,' and the PWP strawberry/massage story about Heero and Duo's sex life disappeared from the computer screen. Heero's pale face glowed in the soft light given off by the computer screen. His head was in his hands, his shoulders slumped, his hair clenched in his white knuckled fists. "I'm not gay. Duo and I have never...would never..." he choked, the words escaping him in a hoarse whisper.  
  
"Good," said Hilde, checking her watch and swiveling Heero's chair to face the couch. His elbows now rested on his knees instead of the table. 5...4...3...2...1...0....where was he? She couldn't _believe_ Duo was late _now_ of all times....  
  
"Hey guys!" Duo said cheerfully, entering the house with a plastic bag slung over his arm.  
  
Hilde smiled.  
  
Heero was unresponsive.  
  
Duo was undaunted.  
  
He pulled out a container of strawberries from the inside of the bag and handed them to Hilde. "You wanted these," he stated, and received a quick kiss in appreciation. He flashed a lopsided grin before turning to Heero. Quirking an eyebrow, confusion evident on his face, "And for you--" he pulled out the only other object in the bag and dropped it between Heero's arms and onto his lap. "--a bottle of strawberry scented massage lotion."  
  
Heero's head shot up, face pale, eyes resting on Duo fearfully, wildly. He jumped out of the chair, sending the bottle of lotion flying, and bolted out the door, not bothering to shut it behind him in his hurry to escape.  
  
"What's up with him?" Duo asked Hilde worriedly.  
  
"Who knows?" she answered innocently as she shut down the computer. She opened the carton and held it out to Duo. "Strawberry?" 


	3. Version 3 (shounen ai)

~*~Key~*~  
_word_ for emphasis  
_________  
  
For the record, GAY stands for something: Girls' Anti-Yaoi Club. Founded by the girls of GW after reading some yaoi fanfics and seeing some...risque...fanart, they all agreed they needed a way to keep their boys straight. This decision made, they all formulated plans to make sure no extra male-bonding goes on between their chosen mates....  
*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*1*2*  
  
GAY Club 1&2 v.3  
  
With a click, the PWP massage story about Heero, Duo, and strawberries vanished from the computer. Hilde let go of the mouse, straightened, and surveyed the fruits of her labor carefully.  
  
Duo's eyes were wide and glassy. He was beginning to sweat, and was standing a bit closer to Heero than she thought necessary. He looked at no one, instead blinking, trying to shake himself out of...what?...and panting. His mouth hung open, as he leaned over the table next to Heero, and his bangs were clenched in his fingers. He couldn't stop fidgeting, thought it looked as if he was trying hard.  
  
Heero, for once, looked uncomfortable, not sure whether to edge closer to Duo and away from Hilde, or closer to Hilde and away from Duo, who he thought looked a little flustered. Heero tried to keep his raging emotions in check. He didn't know why Hilde had shown that to him, but he was a bit upset she had turned it off just as it was getting interesting. The two boys in that were--  
  
Then it hit him. The two boys were himself and Duo. He'd never really thought about Duo -- or _anyone_, for that matter -- in a sexual light before, but what Hilde had shown them had gotten him thinking. Even...curious....  
  
And from what the story said, Duo had a great body.  
  
And tremendous energy.  
  
And was head over heels for him.  
  
Hn.  
  
"Oh, and there's one more thing," Hilde said, clicking on another link which brought her to a 'fanart' page. The thumbnails were all very cute. One even had a little Heero with a bright pink bow around his neck.  
  
The picture made the Japanese pilot cringe. This would not be good.  
  
Of course, Hilde clicked on it.  
  
Heero was sitting in a basket with an arm lazily draped over the side, and a naked leg hanging off the opposite end. He was covered in green, decorated rapping paper shredded to pieces and sprinkled over his body like confetti...and nothing else.  
  
Duo coughed. Heero blushed.  
  
"Oh, and there was another one too!" Hilde cheerfully clicked on another thumbnail back on the fanart page, and Duo appeared pouncing on the Heero-present. The next showed the two boys in a somewhat...compromising...position.  
  
Hilde admired fanart-Duo's body for a little too long before realizing her torture of the two ex-pilots had lasted long enough. They obviously weren't gay. They both looked ready to bolt.  
  
"Hilde," Duo choked, "are you finished with this little...presentation...now?" He was rocking slightly back and forth. He needed to take off his black priest-shirt. And the white one. He could feel his sweat drenching his clothes. A nice cold shower should fix everything. Yeah. A cold shower. Were Heero's eyes really Prussian blue? I wonder....  
  
"Oh, yeah, I'm done," Hilde said nonchalantly. "But the reason for this was...are you gay?"  
  
Duo didn't answer.  
  
"I could be," Heero said, schooling his voice.  
  
"Really?" asked Duo and Hilde.  
  
"Yeah, but it would depend on the person."  
  
"Isn't that the way it is with anything though?" Hilde looked a bit worried.  
  
"Maybe. Why is this so important to you?"  
  
"Um..." Hilde faltered. "Um...well, it's _not_, it's just that...well, uh...I was just...curious!" She smiled nervously and hoped he was convinced.  
  
"Are we done?"  
  
Hilde frowned. "Yes, Duo, we're done. You're in a hurry!"  
  
"OK!" Duo yelled back, already halfway up the steps. A moment later, they heard a door slam shut and the shower running.  
  
Heero watched this expressionlessly, rose, and went up to his own room, muttering a 'thanks Hilde,' as he trudged up the stairs.  
  
She waited until his door was closed before running to the kitchen and whispering with Relena, who'd been hidden and watching the entire time. "Well, what did you think?" Hilde's words came in an excited rush, and her gleeful, crafty smile made her normally innocent face look older and much more dangerous. "Do you think they're straight now?"  
  
"Hilde, you can't _force_ someone to be straight!" Relena's mouth quirked in a amused half-smile. "The question is, are they gonna consider _us_ as prospective mates rather than _each other?_"  
  
"Well..." Hilde frowned at the recollection, "I think...yes, they will. Did you see how restless they were? Duo couldn't wait to get away, and Heero...well, he could be gay, but you never know with him. I think he was a little embarrassed though. What about you?"  
  
Relena's grin turned triumphant, lighting up her pretty face. "I think we've got 'em!"  
  
She and Hilde, ecstatic with joy, hugged and sat at the table, whispering, laughing occasionally, and completely drunk with pleasure that their plan had been so successful.  
  
~1~2~1~2~1~  
  
When Duo didn't come downstairs for dinner, the two girls exchanged secret glances and conspiratorial winks with each other. He was probably so disgusted with the mental images of what the fanfiction Heero and Duo had done, he couldn't face Heero without thinking of the story and gagging! Heero, too, didn't seem all too pleased to see anyone in the kitchen. He nodded to Relena and Hilde, seeming either unsurprised or undisturbed by Relena's presence, and got out juice and a container of rice, and went back upstairs.  
  
"He didn't warm it up," Relena commented.  
  
"Must be a man thing."  
  
"You gotta admit: you've gotta be a man to wear tights...or spandex." (*quote from Robin Hood: Men in Tights*) They both grinned at each other before bursting into a fit of giggles.  
  
"No strawberries?" gasped Hilde.  
  
Their laughter traveled upstairs, invading Duo's troubled sleep.  
  
No matter how hard he tried, or how many times he got up to splash himself with cold water, he couldn't get the images of Heero out of his head. He'd never considered him as a potential lover before, but now? He growled. He'd have to talk to Hilde about this tomorrow. That, or either himself or his fellow former-pilot would have to take an extended vacation. The house was no longer big enough for the two of them. He pouted into his pillow. Heero was definitely not having the same problem, he was sure. Duo grinned. He's probably a eunuch, he mused. Maybe his mad scientist neutered him before he sent him out. Wouldn't do to have too much testosterone circulating in a gundam pilot. That's probably why Heero always took everything so seriously and never got crazy. That's it, Duo decided. He's neutered. Although...he's always so serious...Duo wondered what it would be like to see Heero smile, like he did for him in the fanfic....  
  
Duo sighed and rolled over. A few minutes later, he stumbled out of the bed and into the bathroom, and proceeded to splash cold water on his face for what must have been the millionth time that night.  
  
~1~2~1~2~1~  
  
Heero looked at the clock. Two after midnight. Hilde was asleep and her door was shut -- he'd checked. Relena had left around eleven.  
  
Heero's emotions were a tumultuous whirlwind in his head, thought outwardly he showed nothing. He'd seen the looks she and Hilde were exchanging in the kitchen, heard the whispers under his window while they stood speaking on the doorstep. He didn't know for a fact what they were planning, but he had a feeling as to what it was about. Why else would Hilde want to know if he and Duo were gay? What other reason was there to show them a story about the two of them having sex? Hilde was such a kind person, both her _and_ Relena. They probably just wanted him and Duo to consider each other as prospective mates because the two girls had fallen in love.  
  
Heero frowned inwardly. He really was grateful to them for their effort, but he couldn't be sure if Duo knew what they were planning. Duo and Hilde were such good friends, and at times even seemed to be more. At first he'd thought Relena wanted to date him, but here she was always calling to talk to Hilde or leaving with her to 'go out'...he had to warn Duo. He was, after all, one of the few people who considered Heero Yuy a friend. The Japanese boy owed the American at least that much. The violet eyed boy didn't deserve to have his heart broken, but if it had to happen, Heero considered himself the person who should break the news to him and help him through it. After all, he was the best at dealing with Duo's moods, and the new couple didn't need two boys thinking they'd been betrayed putting a stumbling block on their relationship. I just hope he doesn't cringe when he looks at me because of that story though, Heero thought, walking quietly and resolutely to Duo's room.  
  
~1~2~1~2~1~  
  
Duo heard his door open, but he figured it was Hilde again. She checked up on him every once in a while. Well, he hadn't come down to dinner, so that would explain it. At midnight though....He did what he usually did: fake sleep and pray she didn't say or do anything that would make him give himself away. So long as he didn't think about...Heero....Shit.  
  
Heero crept into the room and closed the door softly behind him. There was no sense in waking Hilde, and Duo had been a gundam pilot; he'd know to wake up when someone was in his room, especially at this hour. He stumbled over Duo's shoes -- apparently kicked off sometime between Hilde's...presentation...and now. Probably just after he got to his room. He was taking a shower, wasn't he? Yeah, Heero thought, that's probably it. Heero padded over to Duo, his bare feet muffled by the carpet, and stood at the head of the bed watching Duo sleep. He was kinda cute, actually. So relaxed. Not nearly as guarded as he pretended not to be while he smiled all day. And talked up a storm. Heero almost smiled. He didn't mind the storm though. It was when Duo was quiet that he worried.  
  
Duo was getting fidgety. Hilde didn't usually stay this long. He wanted to open his eyes, but he couldn't. And Heero wouldn't get his stupid sexy self out of his mind. NO! Heero is not sexy, Heero is _NOT_ sexy, and he's not even interested so don't even _think_ about it....  
  
Duo looked like he was having a nightmare, but Heero couldn't tell. His excellent night vision had dimmed slightly since the wars, but even if it hadn't, he still would have wanted a candle. He needed Duo awake anyway, and he didn't want his eyes playing tricks on him when he should be gaging the reactions of his friend -- yes, _friend_ -- he thought to himself. Now if he remembered correctly, Duo had a candle fetish. Where were--  
  
Duo heard someone rooting through his drawers. He would have shot up and grabbed the person's throat, but he was supposed to be asleep, and if it was Hilde she'd know he must have been faking sleep for at least some of her night visits. And if it was Heero...well, at least Duo would be dead and not have to deal with the embarrassment. Heero wouldn't be going through Duo's drawers anyway.  
  
There they were! Heero held up the thick black candle triumphantly before setting it on its ornamental silver dish on the nightstand. Now for matches...a lighter...stones...something...aha! Heero pulled out a lighter and shut the drawer, lighting the candle and leaving the Death covered flame starter lying beside it. Heero looked at Duo again in the light after his eyes adjusted. Duo was _more_ than cute. He was gorgeous when he was sleeping, even if he _was_ having a nightmare. Speaking of which, he had a job to do: break his friend's heart without breaking his spirit. Heero thought a moment. This almost happened in that fanfic, he remembered. Fanfic-Heero wakes up Fanfic-Duo on Valentines day with a bowl of strawberries...Heero flushed...and it said Duo's eyes were a thousand shades of violet. And he'd been happy, so they sparkled even though he was rubbing the sleep from them. He wondered if they were really so many shades of violet. He'd never paid attention before. Maybe....  
  
Duo sensed the light rising beneath his eyelids and getting closer to his face. He cringed inwardly and tried to bury his face in the pillow, but someone was holding his face still. Stay calm. You're asleep. This is probably some prank, he thought. I'll get you back tomorrow night, Hilde, just wait. What the--someone was trying to tear out his eye! What is going on?! his mind screamed.  
  
Heero's plan to forcibly open Duo's eyelid and see the color of his eyes caused him much frustration and much less success. He sighed, giving up -- mission failed -- and let go of Duo's face before replacing the candle.  
  
Then Duo gasped and shot up, bumping the two ex-pilots' head together with a painful CRACK!  
  
Heero staggered backwards clutching his bruised head before glaring at Duo and muttering "omae wo korosu," and Duo was groaning softly while massaging his scalp. He looked up accusingly at Heero.  
  
"You spilled WAX on my FACE!" he growled, and began wiping furiously at his cheek.  
  
"Hn. I didn't mean to."  
  
"What were you doing, anyway? Sneaking into my room at..." Duo checked the clock. "At 12:30AM, making that god-awful banging noise when you kicked around my stuff? You go through my drawers, get out my stuff, pry open my eye with your steel-bending plier hands of death, then drip _wax_ on my face?! You're _terrible_ at stealth, you know that? _Terrible!_ I should get your mad scientist _jailed_ for the job he did with you!"  
  
"S-sorry..." Heero mumbled, wide-eyed, through Duo's tirade.  
  
"And what the hell are you doing in here anyway!?" Duo realized after he said it that he truly had no idea as to the cause for Heero's visit.  
  
"Quiet." A Heero Yuy Order. Duo calmed down, still rubbing his head, but frowning in curiosity rather than anger.  
  
"Why am I in here? Well, I think I know why Hilde showed us that fanfic and the fanart on that website. Relena was here earlier, and...." Heero proceeded to explain his theory and supporting evidence to Duo. When he finished, Duo was silent.  
  
After his initial outburst, Duo had avoided looking at Heero. He had been thinking a lot about what Hilde showed them as well, but not in the same analytical way as Heero. _Heero_ hadn't been rushing to take cold showers all evening; Duo _had._ Why does he have to be so perfect anyway? Duo whined to himself.  
  
"Are you alright?"  
  
Duo glanced up at Heero's question, slightly confused. "Why shouldn't I be?"  
  
Heero's brow furrowed. Duo grinned at this new facial expression. "Aren't you...well, don't you...like Hilde?"  
  
Duo knew what he was getting at. "Yeah, sure. She's a great girl! I love her like a sister. No more than that though." He quirked an questioning eyebrow. "What? Were you worried I'd have my heart broken?"  
  
Heero had the grace to turn a shade darker. "Yes."  
  
"Oi, well thanks, buddy." Duo beamed, and couldn't help hugging the Japanese boy now sitting on the bed in front of him...and ripping himself away when he realized what he'd done. "Gomen, gomen!" He flushed, then paled. "Please don't kill me. I'm too young to...I'm death! I'm not supposed to die!"  
  
Heero glared at Duo. "Shit. You're really gonna kill me, aren't you?" Duo panicked and tried to bolt.  
  
He was promptly shoved back down. "_Sit._" Duo complied without a word.  
  
"What was your nightmare about?"  
  
"What nightmare?"  
  
"The one you were having when I lit the candle." Heero studied Duo's face intently, trying to see if he would give anything away. Trying to see if his eyes held the answer.  
  
"I wasn't having a nightmare. I was just restless...what?"  
  
Heero was startled out of his concentration on Duo's eyes. "Huh?"  
  
"You said something. What did you say?"  
  
Heero shook his head. "I didn't speak."  
  
Duo leaned closer, a detective hot on the trail. Or perhaps a tabloid reporter. Either way...."No, you said something, I swear you did. Something about...a thousand shades? What?"  
  
Heero was visibly shocked this time. He hadn't been aware he'd spoken his thought out loud. He had looked into Duo's eyes and...drowned. They truly were  
  
"A thousand shades of violet."  
  
These eyes widened with understanding. Heero, aware that he had voiced the thought yet again, rose to leave, but was held down by a pair of strong arms and the command "_Sit._"  
  
I'm about to be killed, Heero thought.  
  
"No, back here," Duo ordered, and Heero complied, sitting on the covers and leaning on the headboard beside Duo. "Now we're going to talk about this. About that damn story and those pictures and Hilde and Relena. Not just your theories, either. About my reaction and your reaction. And because you _still_ sound like you're sending a report to mission control, you're going to explain everything clearly and logically. And you're not leaving until this is all settled, got it?"  
  
Heero grumbled his reply.  
  
"Pouting too?" Duo grinned and leaned against the headboard beside him, maintaining his deathgrip on Heero's arm so the Japanese boy couldn't run away. "Do you want me to go get a plate of fresh strawberries? Do you want me to feed you one? If I'm not mistaken, that made you happy last time."  
  
Heero glared at him despite his reddening face. Another reference to that story and he was going to kill someone. Not Duo though. If he looked into those eyes again, he'd be a drone like he'd been earlier.  
  
"I'm just teasing you, Heero."  
  
Teasing...teasing...the two hung their heads as they remembered the PWP. I'm going to KILL Hilde and Relena, the two boys thought simultaneously.  
  
"It's obvious we both remember it pretty well...and it is affecting us whether or not we like it, though _how_ I'm not sure," Duo began, "but...."  
  
"I'm tired. I'm going to sleep." Heero tried to rise and was held back.  
  
"No bolting, Yuy."  
  
The Japanese looked sullen, but didn't pout, not wanting to repeat the earlier conversation.  
  
"Well, what do you want me to say about all this?"  
  
Duo hugged Heero's arm and rested his head on his shoulder. "You know what," he yawned, "I'm tired too, but you don't see _me_ leaving."  
  
"You sleep here."  
  
"You have a thing for worthless details, don't you?" Duo nosed himself into a more comfortable position.  
  
Heero watched Duo almost drift off and startle himself awake for a few minutes before saying hesitantly, "If you let go of my arm, I could make this a lot more comfortable for you." Duo moaned sleepily, which Heero took for an assent, and the Japanese pilot wrapped his released arm around Duo's shoulders, cradling his head against his neck. Duo murmured a garbled 'thank you' before relaxing into Heero's embrace. The short haired boy mentally shook his head at how crazy the day had been. And now he was here. Amazing what a little suggestion on a computer screen can do to one's life. He smiled wryly. Duo was asleep, they hadn't talked things over -- they probably weren't going to either; tomorrow they'd both be embarrassed and pretend they regretted falling asleep in each others' arms, and Hilde and Relena would break the news. And Duo would rub his rusty stealth skills in his face. And everything would be normal.  
  
Heero looked contemplatively at the flickering black candle on the nightstand before carefully reaching over -- no reason to wake Duo -- and snuffing it out between his fingers. He was quite comfortable where he was. Duo's breath was hot upon his neck...just like the fanfic said it would be...and he threaded his fingers through the end of the braid, feeling the silky threads slip between his fingers. He leaned back resignedly against the headboard, hugged his friend closer, and closed his eyes. In that moment he came to realize just how much he didn't want -- no, _hated_ -- everything being normal.  
  
~1~2~1~2~1~  
  
Hilde bounced to the door early the next morning when Relena arrived. The two would cook a big breakfast and see the boys' reactions to being in the same room. They hadn't seen each other since their little show at the computer the evening before, and both girls were anxious to see what would happen. And, more importantly, if either of them looked at the girls with hints of more-than-friendly interest. Food is the key to a man's soul, and a gundam pilot is certainly a man, isn't he?  
  
But just in case they hadn't gotten it through their heads that they weren't gay --  
  
"You can't force someone to be gay or straight, Hilde," Relena reminded her as they planned the menu.  
  
-- the two girls were preparing fresh strawberries just so they remembered what they'd been shown. "It better work, too," Hilde grumbled. "Strawberries are expensive out of season. You'd think they'd have stopped charging more after they started the lab grown, but noooo, they just want money. Who cares what the colonists want? Who cares what I want?! Who cares that it's hard enough for some people to get money to put food on the table?! We're only the--"  
  
"Hilde, calm down!" Relena chuckled. "I certainly care, and the government is doing all it can to reduce prices of..." she paused. "Of...strawberries! Hilde!" She stifled her laughter behind her hand while she composed herself. Breakfast first, she chided herself, everything else later. Once serious, she turned back to Hilde, who was watching her with laughter in her eyes. "Are you ready?"  
  
"Aye aye, Vice Foreign Minister!" Hilde saluted with a grin and clicked her heels together.  
  
"At ease, OZie," Relena grinned. "I swear, you become more and more like Duo every day...." She shook her head. "I can_not_ believe I'm doing this. This is so...."  
  
"...childish? We're kids Relena. And if I wanna be childish, then I'll be childish."  
  
"If anyone finds out about this...."  
  
"Don't worry about it!" Hilde sighed as she began unloading the grocery bags onto the counter and readying the pancake ingredients. "We're just two girls having fun...and trying to get two guys to fall in love with us and not each other. That's _all._" She smirked. "And you have to admit: it's fun."  
  
Relena's eyes twinkled. "Yeah," she agreed, "it _is_ fun." And with this statement, the two busily prepared a breakfast to remember. It would be the breakfast that delivered their dreamboys to their waiting arms.  
  
~1~2~1~2~1~  
  
Duo and Heero, after a slightly awkward awakening and amusing admissions that neither of them regretted the night before, fell to talking. They had woken up early, but it seemed Hilde had gotten up earlier. From the sounds coming out of the kitchen and the car in the driveway -- Heero could see it if he craned his neck (neither felt like moving from their sleeping positions...and would you? it was so comfy...) -- Relena and her were cooking up a storm.  
  
"Think they're gonna break the news to us when we get downstairs?"  
  
"Hai," Heero nodded.  
  
"I'll try not to look too broken-hearted." Duo grinned, then frowned. "But what do we tell them about--"  
  
"The truth," Heero said simply.  
  
Duo considered this, found it a better solution than lying (which was out of the question for Shinigami), and snuggled into Heero's shoulder. "You can get under the covers, you know. It's cold in this room, and I'm wearing layers...spandex boy."  
  
Heero lightly shoved him, but slid his legs under the covers and sighed. The two sat in contented silence for a few moments, enjoying the empty schedules they shared for the day, each others' presence, the warmth of each others' bodies, and the soft hum of voices coming from the kitchen, accented by the occasional crescendo of laughter.  
  
Duo shifted away from Heero, causing the latter to give him a questioning look, before Duo said, quite matter-of-factly: "I want to kiss you."  
  
Heero was surprised, then nodded slowly. "Ok." The two faces inched hesitantly forward, and their lips met for the first time.  
  
~1~2~1~2~1~  
  
"Done!" Relena cried jubilantly.  
  
"Shhh! Relena! _You're_ the one who insisted on complete silence."  
  
"Not _complete_ silence," Relena corrected, "but we're done now, so we have to wake them up anyway."  
  
Hilde pouted. "Why do you always have to be right?"  
  
"Because," Relena smirked, flinging her arms out and waving her spatula above her head, "I'm the queen of the world!" Hilde giggled. "Heero! I'm flying!"  
  
"It's not 'Heero,' it's 'Jack!'"  
  
"Jack is dead. Heero should be, but he's not. And if it _were_ Heero, neither one of them would have died."  
  
"Lemme guess: the ship wouldn't have sunk either, huh?"  
  
Relena grinned. "Of course not! It never would have set sail in the first place! Not enough lifeboats, crazy speed demons on board...really mean fiance's who turn over breakfast tables...." She sighed. "That would be heavenly, wouldn't it?" She stretched her arms over her head and heard her back cracking. Hilde laughed, and Relena snapped up to exact her revenge...and the spatula went flying out of her hands and into the far wall, splattering it with a faint line of pancake batter.  
  
Both collapsed in a heap of hysterics. "Smart, queenie," Hilde gasped. "Just _stick_ the darn spatula in the _fan,_ why don't cha? No wonder the ship sunk! You probably stuck a fork in the engines and kept the thing from turning!"  
  
"I did not!" Relena tried to defend herself through laughter-induced tears.  
  
The two girls finally regained their composure...somewhat...they laughed whenever they looked at the dented spatula and the now-cleaned spot of the wall...they agreed to go call the boys down. "I'll get Duo, you get Heero. Got it?"  
  
"Mission accepted."  
  
They grinned, winked, and skipped up the stairs.  
  
~1~2~1~2~1~  
  
Relena knocked on the Japanese pilot's door while thinking jealously of how lucky Hilde was to live with him. Oh well. Soon enough they'd be dating, and see or talk to each other every day.  
  
She frowned. Heero wasn't answering, which was strange. He was usually up at this hour. It was, after all...she checked her watch hanging on a golden chain around her neck...9:45 AM. "Heero," she called, knocking louder. "I'm coming in there." She opened the door and stepped cautiously into the room of her ideal husband -- thinking so far ahead, Relena? Sometimes I'm truly as ridiculous and childish as I try _not_ to be, she thought. "Heero? Breakfast is ready." His bed was made, and he didn't appear to have left, but apparently hadn't slept there the night before. His laptop was off, but still there. Well, at least he was in the house somewhere, or not far away. He didn't leave, or he'd have it with him.  
  
She gently closed his door and went to check the bathroom. She didn't hear the shower, but maybe he was about to get in. Relena hurried to catch him before he did. She probably hadn't heard him leave his room because she and Hilde hadn't been as quiet as they'd planned...and she'd played baseball with the fan and the spatula....She blushed. That _was_ pretty stupid of me. Hopefully Hilde won't tell. Yeah right.  
  
She found the bathroom empty, and didn't know where else to look for the Japanese boy. Relena decided to go find out if Hilde had Duo out of bed yet -- he was _not_ a morning person for the first fifteen minutes or so. Maybe Heero was in there talking to him. He was probably the only one who could remain unfazed by his scathing tongue so early in the day.  
  
She heard Hilde let out a pained squeak down the hallway. Relena hurried to her friend, worried she'd been hurt, and found her standing outside Duo's door, frozen, her face a mask of shock and pain. "What is it," Relena whispered urgently. Hilde just stood, jaw opening and closing with no sound escaping the parted lips. Relena peered inside....  
  
Heero and Duo were sitting lip-locked in each other's arms, completely oblivious to the two girls standing in the doorway with their broken hearts shattered on the floor beneath their feet.  
  
"How...how could this...how could this happen?" Relena, the first to gain her voice, could only stutter this in surprise before falling silent again and watching the two ex-gundam pilots tread on her dreams with a passion she had never before seen in either one.  
  
~1~2~1~2~1~  
  
Undisturbed, the violet-eyed Shinigami was infinitely glad to be alive.  
  
As was Heero, who was _definitely_ glad things weren't normal today. 


End file.
